I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
