I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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