last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
