I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize