you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
