'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
