Your mouth is God's brothel.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
