Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
