Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
