You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
