when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
