if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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