Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
