u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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