God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think people are normalizing furries
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
