my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
