You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
