3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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