if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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