and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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