My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just high enough for therapy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
