May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
