I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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