You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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