Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
