Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
