i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
