you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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