she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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