You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
