Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
