So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
