Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
