Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
