mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
