it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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