Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
