hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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