I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
