I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
