For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
