Please, let me fuck your mom
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize