his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
