Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
