Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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