I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
