dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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