Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i think my cat just said my name.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
