Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
