Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
