I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
