party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
