At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
