Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
operation harelip BJ is a go
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
