I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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