I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
