first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
