i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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