I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
