I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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