Ambien. No doubt about it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize