Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
