i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
