First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
