and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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