I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
