I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
