OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
