i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
