Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
