why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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