Do you still have your period?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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