well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
