I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
