theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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