Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
