i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
