epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
