Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
