you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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