Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
