I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ttyl tear gas
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
