Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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