I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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