There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
