FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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