My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
