THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
