the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His hands were made for my vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
